JOBS: a new series

I'm going to start a new series on the blog: chronicling all of the crappy jobs that I've had. There have been many; it will be a long series. When it's all done I'll extract it into my journal so I can have it documented for posterity, at the very least as a cautionary tale for others.

I'm probably going to get the timeline here mixed up. There were several years where one thing just kind of morphed into another. But this series will cover, with any luck, all of it. And if it's a bit depressing, know that I ultimately survived, and all this insanity combined to make me the normal and well-adjusted gentleman I am today.

JOB 1: Stephen Wade Auto Center, St. George, UT

                                      

TIME ON THE JOB:

Somewhere from 1-3 years

My first jobs were just little odd jobs here and there. The very first thing I remember ever getting 'hired' to do was to help out in a lady in our family friend Jeannie's ward by doing some yard work. When I got there, she felt I was too young to do the work so she fired me and replaced me with a Mexcian, but not before paying me $1 and giving me a Sprite. 

But my first official paycheck job was working at a car lot that my Dad worked at. I was hired for $3.00 an hour to paint a long fence that led up a long driveway that got you to the lot. It took about 2 weeks or so, and I painted it in July in St. George. It was regularly 113 degrees or so, but I don't remember drinking much water while working. I did wear a black shirt on the first day, though, and regretted that. My Dad set me up with a radio to listen to, and I painted the whole fence and slopped white paint everywhere but didn't really know any better.

Lots of people at the lot complimented me on freshening up the fence, and when that project was over, they put me to work picking up cigarette butts off of the asphalt on the car lot. That lasted for 2 more weeks, after which point I somehow parlayed it into working in the auto detailing garage. Since I had finally made it to the show, I asked me boss for a $.25 raise and got it. I was making $3.25, and was just 13 years old. I think official minimum wage was $4 or $4.25 but at 13 I was grateful for anything, and it gave me some money with which to sustain my horrible music habit at the time, which consisted of the entirety of Paul McCartney's solo career and Broadway showtunes. 

It wasn't the best environment but several days a week my Mom would take me over after school and I would work for at least 3 hours with high school dropouts and garage rat-type guys, who told the world's grossest stories and jokes and listened to nothing but Pantera, and would clean cars. They often talked about philosophy and what it all meant, and I tried to get my supervisor to go to church with me once but he told me 'the pews would catch on fire' if he attended. Oh well, I tried.

There was a cool blonde guy named Jarren who worked there and who smoked like a chimney but was really nice to me and taught me how to use the pressure washer. We were just in a garage and there was a constant stream of new and used cars to clean. 

The new cars were the easiest since all you did was take the plastic off the entire interior, give it a proforma vacuuming, and send it on its way. The used ones took a lot more work. We usually shampoo'd the carpets on the used ones, which wasn't super fun since it was rough on your hands. Every other day we would wash all the cars on the lot via a long hose, and I would be voted the monkey to have to go in and Windex the interior windows. Which was great because the insides of the cars were only about 175 degrees and the Windex we had was, I think, made out of Agent Orange. Somehow I didn't asphyxiate in the cars as we went on for hours making our rounds.

The whole thing ended unexpectedly when I got a new supervisor and he cheerfully advised me they wouldn't be requiring my services anymore. I think it had something to do with the fact that I didn't have a driver's license and thus had a difficult time working at a job that required you to constantly move cars around. 

He made it seem like I would be welcome back when business required it, and I took him up on that offer sometime later when I had my license. But I remember nothing about that subsequent experience other than that I was required to occasionally shuttle people to the airport who were having their cars repaired by the body shop, and one time I drove a nice lady and her young sons to the airport and got them all laughing with some kind of humorous banter I was doing, and the mom tipped me $5, which to this day is the biggest tip I've ever received.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE JOB:

That you could be surrounded by a bad environment but not let it rub off on you. Also, that if Earth is ever attacked by an indestructible super villain, the best place to put him would be inside a 1992 Geo Hatchback in July in St. George, UT. He'll be dead within seconds.

Delay or Defund

So on the whole Obamacare debate, I'm torn between two really interesting ideas, neither of which are mine.

First, I don't get the 'delay the individual mandate' strategy. Yes, it will have a negative impact on the economy. So? We didn't vote for it, so why minimize the pain? The part you want people to not get hooked on is the subsidies, and those start right away. So what's the point of delaying the individual mandate for a year? I don't get that at all. The more chaos, the better the chance of electing a president who can repeal the whole thing in 2016.

So onto the two ideas. The first is, 'let it burn.' Just enact anything the Democrats want and crash the system that much faster. If we believe in our ideals, and we do, then we believe that this law will all be a disaster. So bring it on. A really good article that illustrates this is from Daniel Henninger at the Wall Street Journal here. The key quotes are:

If ObamaCare fails, or seriously falters, the entitlement state will suffer a historic loss of credibility with the American people. It will finally be vulnerable to challenge and fundamental change. But no mere congressional vote can achieve that. Only the American people can kill ObamaCare.

No matter what Sen. Ted Cruz and his allies do, ObamaCare won't die. It would return another day in some other incarnation. The Democrats would argue, rightly, that the ideas inside ObamaCare weren't defeated. What the Democrats would lose is a vote in Congress, nothing more.

Republicans and conservatives, instead of tilting at the defunding windmill, should be working now to present the American people with the policy ideas that will emerge inevitably when ObamaCare's declines. 

If Republicans feel they must "do something" now, they could get behind Sen. David Vitter's measure to force Congress to enter the burning ObamaCare castle along with the rest of the American people. Come 2017, they can repeal the ruins.

This would be my default opinion as well. But then I read something like this from William Jacobsen at Legal Insurrection, and I'm not so sure. The key quotes:

[Anatoly] Sharansky spent almost a decade in Soviet prison because of his activities on behalf of Jews who wanted to emigrate to Israel. Sharansky was subjected to torture and other indignities, but never lost his spirit.

Sharansky spent nine years in the Gulag, a harrowing time in which he demonstrated what resistance is. More than 400 of those days were spent in punishment cells; more than 200 were spent on hunger strikes. His refusal to concede anything to the Soviet state was almost superhuman. This was true to the very last. When they relinquished him to the East Germans, they told him to walk straight to a waiting car — “Don’t make any turns.” Sharansky zig-zagged his way to that car.

Had it been the fight against Obamacare, supposedly wiser people than he would have counseled caution, urging him to wait until the Soviet Union collapsed of its own weight to make his stand.  Not realizing that stands such as that taken by Sharansky in the snow ultimately would cause the collapse.

Interesting choices, huh? 

Kid quotes 9/27/13

• Today Maddie told me, “At church, someone told me Jesus can see through roofs of buildings.” 
• This morning she said “I like telling jokes. Maybe that’s my destiny.” I said, “Your destiny?!” She got embarrassed and said, “Or watching shows. I love to watch shows on my pad. Maybe that’s my destiny.”
• Tonight Emme turned to me and for the first time said "Hi." The only words she can say are Momma, Dadda, DeeDee (Maddie), and yeese (yes). And now, apparently, "Hi."

Random thought

People usually say that either "the song you brang to me" or "no one heard at all, not even the chair" is Neil Diamond's worst lyric. However, I think that "me and you are subject to the blues now and then" is a dark horse contender.

Kevin D. Williamson

""Politicians are always building Utopias, but the curious thing is that none of them wants to live there."

-Kevin D. Williamson

The 5 Best Discontinued Foods

Life is unfair. This I know because the universe has cancelled various foodstuffs over the years and has never brought them back.

There is a special kind of agony inherent with experiencing excellent food being cancelled. Knowing that it will likely never come back gives you a helpless feeling not unlike saying goodbye to someone who is dying. Sure, you'll see them again in the eternities. But that doesn't help me now, here on Earth, where there are stressful days to get through and a limited number of increasingly mediocre snackstuffs.

Tonight we pay homage to our fallen brethren. RIP.

5. OLD WISCONSIN HONEY TERIYAKI BEEF JERKY

While I lived in Wisconsin, I experimented and tried a local flavor of beef jerky from a brand called Old Wisconsin. Now, I am just guessing at the flavor name. I think it was honey teriyaki, but I'm not positive. All I remember is that it was one giant, long piece of meat, that was a little bit pricey (if memory serves, $8 or $9 bucks or so), and it was the single best piece of beef jerky I had ever tasted in my entire life.

I was only in Wisconsin for a little less than 2 years, but I bought it as often as I could afford to, not realizing that its days were numbered. One day, the store stopped stocking them. I went to other stores. They weren't there. I went to others. No sign.

Finally, I wrote my first-ever letter to a company. It was to Old Wisconsin, via their website. I asked where their incredible beef jerky went, and they said it was cancelled due to lack of interest. I told them that I found this news to be nearly devastating, and asked them to tell me as soon as it went back on the market. They said they would. I'm still waiting.

Today, Old Wisconsin has started back up a different line of beef jerky. When I saw that they had, I bought it immediately, even though the only option was like to by 8 at a time on Amazon. When it arrived, I was very worried to try it, for fear that it wouldn't be right. I tried it, and while it was good, it wasn't the original recipe. And it wasn't even close.

Old Wisconsin, bring back the old style. I will pay top dollar. Like, thousands, if you need. I will mortgage my home. Let's work out a deal.

4. COCONUT TWIX










This only existed for a really brief window around 2010 or 11 or so. I tried it just once-it was excellent. I love normal Twix anyway, but adding coconut to it was an inspired move. But like a TV show that gets cancelled after 1 episode, they yanked it almost immediately. Of all the items on this list, this one is the one I think has the least worst chance of coming back and being probably the same. I'll update this post in 20 years and we'll see if I'm right.

3. HONEY BBQ CHEETOS PUFFS

These were a pretty brief sales window as well, and I only ever got to have them in little snack sizes since the only place in all of Texas that I could find that sold them was my work vending machine. I bought up all that they had. They were delicious but awful. Like Sweet Spicy Chili-flavored Doritos, Honey BBQ Cheetos Puffs make you want to die. They were exquisite but made you feel like absolute garbage, like you were eating nothing but a bucket of grease and sugar. They were so good, they were bad. And they were done way too soon.

2. BBQ PORK, PANDA EXPRESS

Last year, for reasons unknown, Panda Express decided to pull a Spinal Tap and become 'more selective' in their appeal. Now, I like their Orange Chicken OK. But it's nothing without a serving of BBQ Pork to even it out.

The funny thing about BBQ Pork is that it was NEVER, EVER, EVER ready. They always had a spot for it, and I would always order it, and they would say ''it will take 4 minutes," as if that would deter me, and I would say, "great, I'll be over here, waiting," and they would go to the back room and get it and warm it up and bring it out and cut it up into pieces and get it to me. And it was incredible every time. Sweet and rich and delicious.

I figured it was only a matter of time before they discontinued it. Why else would they never have it ready? It must have been expensive for them (I assume so, since if it's anything like the cost of bacon, it's likely way pricey now), because they replaced it with a lame teriyaki chicken, which sucks.

So this is likely the only food on here whose existence I can directly blame on Obama, due to insanely high gas prices thanks to his anti-fossil fuel energy policies that drove up the cost of pork. Thanks a lot.

1. TERIYAKI FLAT IRON STEAK, GORDON BIERSCH

This was discovered entirely on accident. Jan and I had just been married about 1 month prior and we were in Pasadena on a mini-follow-up-honeymoon. I had to go there for my work so I brought her out and stayed a few days and we went to Disneyland and the beach and old town Pasadena and had a lot of fun.

But when it was time to go back to UT, we missed our plane and had to stay at a hotel near the Burbank airport. We didn't have our rental car anymore so we had to walk that night to find anything to eat. There was a Gordon Biersch nearby, which we had never heard of. We went in and I had the teriyaki steak.

I could go on and on but suffice it to say, it's the best steak I've ever had, anywhere, even comparing it to places where I've had steaks that were $75 each (fortunately, work vendors foot the bill on those outings-I'm not that crazy).

Every place we've ever moved, we have checked specifically for a Gordon Biersch so we can make sure we have access to the flat iron teriyaki steak. We were glad to see that there was a GB in downtown Brickell, which is right here in Miami close to South Beach.

We drove there about a month ago to fill up on steak and were floored when we checked the menu and found it wasn't there. We got back in the car and went elsewhere. I'm sure they have other nice things on the menu, but it's a pricey restaurant and I'm not going to pay top dollar for a distant 2nd place alternative.

If it ever brings it back, we'll return. But a company that decides to kill its best menu item doesn't instill me with hope. RIP, Flat Iron Teriyaki Steak. At least 2008-2013.