Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Utah Amusement Park

I have a brilliant consumer idea which will generate millions of dollars of profit for me and my shareholders. If any of you want in on this, contact my accountant and we'll talk.

We know Utah only has 2 amusement parks: Lagoon and Raging Waters. Seven Peaks doesn't count because it doesn't exist because I've never seen it despite living in Utah most of my life. Both of our amusement parks are filled to capacity, but both completely miss the bigger picture.

You live in Utah. Close your eyes. What is it that fascinates and thrills Utahns more than anything else on the planet?

Welcome to 'Drive by a cop who's pulled someone over Land'! For only $40 per car, you can drive down 1 MILE of road and view in extreme slow-motion 9 COPS on BOTH SIDES of the road who will have pulled people over.

But these aren't ordinary cops and this isn't an ordinary theme park. You will experience variety the likes of which you've never seen before. It all starts with a bike cop writing a ticket for a kid who was driving a mo-ped without a helmet. From there you work up to a motorcycle cop ticketing a semi, then a highway patrolman, then the sheriff, then Incident Management. It all leads up to a Utah rubbernecking extravaganza wherein 2 ambulances, a fire truck, and 5 patrol cars load someone with whiplash onto a stretcher. You won't believe your eyes! And you can drive by as slow as you want-slow enough to buy food at our many refreshment bars along the way.

So what are you waiting for? Hurry up to slow down and massively inconvenience everyone behind you the way nature intended. Visit "Drive by a cop who's pulled someone over Land" later this summer at the Tooele exit.

1 comment:

Artsy Irene said...

I would be much more inclined to invest in a Harry Potter Theme Park. Utah could really use one of those.