Friday, March 27, 2009


Welcome aboard.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Light change

There is a problem that threatens our planet and I have had it up to here debating it. The time for debate is over. I am talking, of course, about light change.

This planet is warming. Every single day, between 6 am and about 7 pm, the planet warms as much as 40 degrees! It gets the hottest around noon or so and then it starts to get cooler. And it's so bright that people have to wear sunglasses for fear of their eyeballs being singed right out of their head.

The light deniers out there think there is no problem. They say it's 'normal' for the planet to get much warmer and brighter every day. I say they are fools who are no better than people who think the planet is flat!

The time to fight light change is now. I propose a combination of a 'light tax' and a 'cap and trade' program to combat this terrible problem. Anyone who consumes light during the day will be required to buy 'light credits' which will be offset by people in Greenland who will go for months in darnkess to make up for all the light consumption by wasteful westerners. People should also have to pay a surcharge on activities that consume unnecessary light, such as walking around and looking at things. I think $1 per sunbeam is appropriate.

Good night and good luck.

Favorite Psych Quotes Part 1,448,459

"Oh, you mean my pilot's license? That's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked."

Monday, March 23, 2009

What They're Thinking

Pace my previous post, I've had time to ponder and I'd have to say that there's apparently a large subconscious movement within the church that yearns to have been there in person for all the major church historical events. Wasn't there even a movie recently? Passage to Zarahemla or something silly like that?

So I guess that's understandable, but it's something fairly unique to the church. For every Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court there are 16 "Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites" volumes. People seem to really like the 'fly on the wall' concept and thus you wind up with all kinds of time travel or faux revisionist historical drama wherein President Smith stops by John Steed's house to play Monopoly on his way to Cumorah.

To this, all I can think is that people in the church must have really, really liked Back to the Future 2 wherein Marty travels back in time again and sees himself playing "Johnny B. Goode" while looking for a book on off-track betting or something.

You Could Write a Book

I shared my business idea with my wife over the weekend. I'm going to write a new series of books called "AK-47s Among the Lamanites" and it will be about time traveling covert natives who hunt down and capture annoying LDS authors who insert fictional characters into church history (i.e Chris Humdinger, the Work and the Glory guy, many others).

This leads me to be upset again how very few LDS authors, musicians, or filmmakers seem to be able to create anything that isn't church-centric. I'm all for books/movies/tv shows/whatever that's clean and wholesome, but that doesn't mean that your lead characters have to be missionaries or home teachers every single time. Jared Hess made Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre-why can't they be more like him? If I had time and talent I would write something normal but non-churchy. It's cool that so many people are so into the church, but I feel it's better to be in the church but not of the church. There are some things in life that have absolutely nothing to do with the church, and that's OK. Building cabinets, for example, or picking out a nice hat.

What was my original point now?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

What a retard



I wish I had the time and talent and supplies and ability to design cool t-shirts.

Faceless book

I've received a number of invitations from old friends to join Facebook lately. I apparently have a Facebook account, although I have no memory of ever signing up for one. The thing is, there's a reason most of these people aren't currently my friend, thus 'old friend.' So if it didn't work the first time when I had nothing but free time and attitude and a semi-decent head of hair and semi-interesting things to say, what would things be better now that I have absolutely less than no free time and nothing interesting to say?

I'm guessing it's that they need to borrow some power tools.


The penitent man will pass.
The penitent man will pass.
The penitent man...
Penitent man....

Friday, March 6, 2009


The newest Star Trek movie preview is out and I find myself admitting it might not be perfect. The effects look really cool and it will be fun to see Star Trek with so much money put into it, but some of the casting looks silly and the plot looks stupid. A Romulan with a machine that can blow up planets? Ug.

Drudge gets all the best ads


I think it's funny in movies or TV shows whenever any character can read the thoughts of another character and the other person's thoughts are always in really clear, easy to understand and correctly structured sentences.

You never get a show where someone can read someone's thoughts and the other person sounds like this:

Person's thoughts: uhhhhhhhhhh.........zuh zuh zuh zuh zuh...Golden Grahams...yeah righ-hey! ....... Gonna take a lot to drag me awwwwwwaaaaaaaay from you....doo dooo doo doo doo dooooo doo more can never do...passed the brains down in Africa....

If entertainment was more realistic it might not make much sense, but at least it would be honest.


I refuse to listen to Michael Buble because I refuse to accept that his last name is not pronounced "Booble."

One Day More

Driving in to work today I made the discovery that I have somehow absorbed the ability to convincingly sing all the parts of the Les Miserables song "One Day More." I'm not saying that I'm good enough to put on a one-man show or anything, though. At least not yet.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


"It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Catching up with Depeche Mode

Or rather, me. I cancelled my trip to India when we found out baby Madeleine is measuring 3 weeks ahead of where she should be. Since I was getting back just 3 weeks before the due date, I felt this was cutting it far too close. It's worked out very well that this cancellation occurred-Jan has had a few moments that have made us both very much feel that this baby will be an early arrival, and it is good to not have to stress out about that.

2 weeks ago my main computer died a terrible fiery death and the main hard drive of my entire life became broken. Hopefully the data is still intact on it, but it will be something like $1000 to retrieve the data. That's every song I ever had, every picture for the last 9 years, everything I've written. Devestating loss. But hopefully it's not lost-just trapped. I'm starting a very slow and gradual fund to save up to get the data if possible.

In the meanwhile I picked up a new mid/low range laptop that will replace said evil computer. I'll have to see if I 'remember' how to draw...


I have never seen any episodes of the show "How I Met Your Mother" because I refuse to accept the premise of the show as a premise to sustain a series of episodes. Supposedly it's about someone meeting his child's mother. So even if you told everyone's backstory, you'd have no more than 1 20 minute-long episode wherein a guy sits next to a girl in college, or maybe they're in the same FHE group. Once they meet, you would have to cancel the show.

So instead I propose it should be called "What I did in my life in the period of time after meeting your mother."