Wednesday, September 23, 2009

10 Things I Hate About U

10. I hate the many bulletins that line your dingy walls. Advertising about an anti-capitalism rallies, within walking distance of the malls.
9. I hate your corn-based food-related products, such as forks, spoons, and straws. I also hate your aging female faculty members, with their Birkenstocks and no bras.
8. I hate your high tuition, your fees and fines and parking cost. I hate all that construction, and my tendency to get lost.
7. I hate your outright bias, groupthink, and godless commie lectures. I spend most classes shooting invisible laser beams at the overhead projectors.
6. I hate your flipping group projects, your activities and panels. I hate your beardedd professors, with tweed jackets and some flannels.
5. I hate all your bumper stickers, like "Department of Peace" and "Obama/Biden 08." In protest I would rock my McCain/Palin, but as a candidate, the Mav wasn't that great.
4. I hate your Coke products, they're everywhere and suck. At least get a Pepsi Machine, you really stupid Huckabee-hating people.
3. I hate that you have no parking, and would rather plant grass than spaces. If I wanted to wander in the wilderness, I would have bought some stronger laces.
2. I hate your whole location, it's way too far away. Is it because of your proximity to the Avenues and their population, gay?
1. I hate the students' whining, their skewered world view. The only thing I would hate more is waking up as you.


Artsy Irene said...

Perhaps you should wear a bra for awhile before you judge a woman for not wearing one. I would quit wearing one if I didn't need one to hold my nursing pads in place. I know, I am not very conservative. BUT I AM NOT A DEMOCRAT EITHER! I quite enjoyed this post!

Hillary said...

Get Professor Judkins as a professor. That man is beyond brilliant. He's a political economist and conservative. During his lectures you just sit in awe that one man could be so smart, and employed by the U.

I too hated the parking. The "A" lot was not really closer than the "E" lot. There is that lot across the street from the engineering building that is in close proximity to the OSH and COM building. Especially if you cut through the union building to get there. Otherwise I always parked directly behind what is now the new humanities building. It was still a hike.

I did have one teacher at SLCC who never revealed her political bias. She said she didn't want us to feel like we had to write our papers towards her POV so she never said what party she favored. It was obvious she was a democrat, but I received A's on all my right wing papers. I totally respected her for that.

Kevan said...

I hate nearly everything about that place and about 3/4 the student body and faculty. That's why us guys who wear blue say Utah Pukes not Utes.

Shannon said...

Maybe you should consider some online courses. I'm afraid you're going to have a stroke!

I'm glad Hillary got to know the one conservative professor. He must have hidden his true colors until he got tenured.

Hillary said...

Judkins was the only conservative on campus. What about your Tony Snow advisor professor from last semester? Maybe he and Judkins hid out in the OSH building together alone in their capitalistic ideologies.

Professor Dowling who teaches Internaional Business was kinda moderate, but I don't believe in moderates, so I had to classify him as liberal - but he was a nice guy.

The European Art History lady was Satan in a tweed skirt and birkenstocks. I can't even remember her name, but she was sooooo evil.