Saturday, April 5, 2014

Sweet Carolina, bah bah bah

And we're back! And moving again. This time, though, it's different: we intend to stay.

Readers of the blog may remember that I almost got a job in South Carolina a few years ago. Things didn't work out and I wasn't able to accept the job offer, but those same people stayed in touch and, when the person I would have reported to in 2012 resigned last week, they called me and asked if I would be interested in his job - which happens to be the exact job I have today in Miami.

General reaction has ranged from supportive (5%) to the kind of reaction one would give if you found out your friend announced they were going to invest their life savings into getting plastic surgery to look like Clint Howard (95%). Why leave Miami when I have such a great job and great boss, who has been so good to me? It's a tough call, to be sure, but I'll try to explain.

First up, crime. Let's look at the crime rates in both areas really quick. Here's Miami:

OK, seems straightforward. 4800 violent crimes a year, and about 3x the national average. Now let's look at Greenville:

48 violent crimes, and almost half the national average? Ok, so maybe Greenville has a slight edge. But that's just one factor. What about economy? Florida is a tourist's dream! There's got to be a great economy there!

Oh. Well, Greenville can't be any better, though, right?

Well, alright, so that's another factor. But, OK, housing has to be the most important, though, right? How far can your dollar go? A major metropolis like Miami has to beat out a hole in the wall nowhere like Greenville. Let's see what $190,000 buys in each place. First up, Greenville:

OK, so for $186,990, you get 4 beds, 3 bath, 3500 square feet, and the lot is about 2/3rd of an acre. 3500 square feet!? Who wants to clean that much house? Not me! The house is also literally 15 minutes from my work. Let's see what that money buys in Miami!

For just $3,000 more, you can enjoy this palatial dream home on 'Dildo avenue,' a mere 90 minute drive from my work, and bask in its luxurious 1,489 square feet. The home is only about 50 years old, whereas the Greenville house was built in 2014. Anyone can tell you that they don't make em like they used to! This Miami house has withstood the test of time, with only minor mold damage to show for it. For the adventurous homeowner who likes to 'spice things up' a little, it also features a see-through bathroom!

Closed in-bathrooms are for prudes.

OK, but these homes probably have much different schools. Miami has millionaires everywhere-that tax base has got to be worth something! Let's see what the Greenville home's schools are like!

OK, so maybe they got lucky. How are Miami's schools?


OK, how about politics? Political alignment is important, and affects what your quality of life is like. 



OK, but people. People are important! What kind of people do you find in South Florida?

And what about South Carolina? What kind of people do you find there?

Weather! How about weather?

OK this is just getting silly. Everyone knows that South Florida is a natural wonder. People flock from all over to experience its beauty!

But South Carolina is a back-woods redneck haven! You'd have to be inbred and stupid to go there!

Aarrgh! This isn't fair! You're just cheating now, and picking out things that are great about South Carolina with all the things that are bad about South Florida!



Look, I know my boss is great and this company has been excellent to me, but take it from me: there are some major drawbacks to living here. We can't live here forever. Our best housing option is to go nearly broke renting a $2100 a month town home. No yard, still a really long commute, etc. I love my boss but there are great bosses in many places, and my new boss requested me by name. We feel like this is the right thing to do, and we feel like this is the place in which we can finally settle down.

Fingers crossed!


Kevan said...

It's your choice no one else's and you have thought it through and made a great decision.

Hillary said...

President Hinckley is living in South Carolina? It really must be heaven on earth!

Robin said...

I'm sold! Now I want to move to Greenville! And I hope you get that house, it's beautiful!!

Hillary said...

Also, not news story ever started with "A South Carolina man...."

Jessica said...

I think it sounds wonderful! Good luck!

Kristen said...

You've convinced me to move to Greenville also! Best of luck to you guys!