Friday, March 22, 2013

Original Story: Pilot Jack

It was a day like any other when Pilot Jack headed out to make his rounds. He was a fighter pilot for the US Air Force, and was stationed off of the coast of Da Nang, an obscure waterfront town on a small island near Vietnam.

Pilot Jack was 3 clicks south of Halong harbor when he noticed something unusual. "Charlie Bravo to base, Charlie Bravo to base," he said. "Echo leader, this is Bravo Delta, what is your 20, over," replied the base. It was then that Pilot Jack, in a bright flash of light, disappeared from the sky.

Blinking several times, Pilot Jack found himself in a dark room, strapped to what appeared to be an operating table. In the distance, he could hear unusual noises and an odd humming sound. Just then, a small being approached him. He was green and had gigantic eyes, and looked very strange.

"Do not be alarmed, Pilot Jack," said the creature, telepathically. "We mean you no harm. We are merely here to study hu-mans and to understand hu-manity. We are explorers, like yourself."

Having been trained to withstand enemy propaganda, Pilot Jack closed his eyes and telepathically said, "Study this, Mate!" With a quick burst of speed, he tore through his restraints and clipped the alien on the chin with a mean uppercut. He then grabbed a folding chair and clonked him on the head with it. The other aliens, who had been in the background, became very alarmed. "Who's next?" teleplied Jack.

One by one, he used jew-jitsu moves (Pilot Jack was Jewish) to dispatch his alien captors. When they were all unconscious, he went to the window and looked out. He was high above the earth, flying in what appeared to be an invisible UFO.

"How are you gonna get out of this one, eh, Jack?" he telethought. Just then he had an idea. It was crazy, but it might work. He pulled out his Air Force-issued side arm and started blasting away at the control panel.

Down, down, down, the UFO went, picking up speed as it plummeted towards the earth. It hit the ocean with the force of 1,000 megaton bombs. And as the ship started to explode, Jack thought, "Why did I think that would work?"

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