Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Wikipedia Brown and the Case of the Screaming Cave

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Idaville and Wikipedia Brown was just sliding up to the breakfast table. His father, Police Chief Brown, was having a warm cup of hot chocolate. Outside, the leaves on the trees had turned red and were starting to fall.

"Gonna be nippy out there today, eh Dad?" said Wikipedia. His real name was Leroy, but no one called him that.

"I'll say!" replied Chief Brown. Just then, they both heard a bone-chilling sound: a long and piercing scream.

"What in tarnation!?" they both exclaimed. They ran out of the house and hopped in Chief Brown's Land Rover, speeding off in the direction of the screams.

They turned down a dirt road, and went past a rickety old sign, which read "Screaming Cave."

"Screaming Cave? Why have I never heard of that before?" said the Chief. "We've lived here for over 20 years."

"That's because it wasn't named that before today," replied Wikipedia Brown.

"What? What did it used to be called?"

Consulting his smartphone, Wikipedia replied, "Booger Cave."

"Uh...that doesn't sound right to me," said the Chief.
 "Don't you believe me, Dad?"

Just then, another scream pierced the air. The Chief unholstered his gun and they jumped out of the car.

"Did you know this cave was originally used to smuggle millions of dollars of pirate gold?" said Wikipedia. "Son, we're in the middle of Canada-there's no possible way that pirates ever set foot within about 3,000 miles of here." "Dad, I wish you wouldn't question me all the time. After all, I'm always right! Well, eventually...unless I change my mind or someone corrects me."

They walked into the cave and the screaming stopped suddenly. Just then, it started up again, seemingly on a loop. Wikipedia Brown noticed a CD player on the ground, in a corner. "Did you know the CD was invented in 1997 by Charles Darwin, Dad? That's why it's abbreviated "CD."

But Chief Brown had his hands full. Literally! He was wrestling with a scary pirate! Wikipedia jumped back and exclaimed, "Goodness, it really was pirates! See! I was right!"

Chief Brown subdued the suspect, pinned him to the ground, and read him his rights. He wasn't talking, so he led him to the Land Rover and tossed him in the back seat, locking the doors.

"I wonder what that was all about?" he said as they drove to the police station.
"Isn't it obvious, Dad?" replied Wikipedia.
"How so?"
"Youuu'll see!"

They got to the police station and let the pirate out of the back seat. Wikipedia walked up to him and said, "I think the jig is up, Bugs Meanie!"

"Bugs Meanie, your school nemesis!?" said Chief Brown. "The same." Wikipedia clawed at the pirate's face to pull off a mask, but he scratched it instead, drawing a small line of blood.

"Holy mackrell, he's a real pirate!" said Wikipedia Brown. "But pirates went extinct in 7,000 B.C.!"

"Actually, my name is Princess Justine," replied the 'pirate,' "and I bring you peace from the Planet Naboo."

"He's just a lunatic!" replied the Chief, and he had him booked for disorderly conduct based on Idaville's Public Nuisance laws.

"Well, looks like another case solved," said Wikipedia.


A: Because Planet Naboo wasn't named one of the official planets in the Solar System until 6,000 B.C., so the pirate couldn't have been a real pirate. Also because the pirate's costume consisted of a plastic eyepatch, some board shorts, and a Dave Matthews Band t-shirt.


Next week: Wikipedia Brown and the case of the Robot Dinosaur


Hanny said...

You are truly your father's son.

Christian said...