Monday, January 6, 2014

Movie Review: The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (or, "The Hobbit: Hope You Like Decapitations")

So...The Hobbit, part 2. I didn't really like The Hobbit, part 1. I though it was boring and slow and really dark and violent. But it did look cool, and that matters to me in a 3-hour movie. I would have rather watched these movies than 3 hours of, say, ESPN. But that's a pretty low bar.

Still, The Hobbit 2 was much better than the first movie. They put a lot more interesting things in this one and it has a lot better set pieces. Locations were great, and there were some actual entertaining sequences, most notably the barrel river escape sequence. That was really well done.

But this one is still really dark and violent. It's been about 25 years since I last read The Hobbit but I remember it being about 90% to do with Gollum in the mountain and there was a part with trolls and MAYBE there was a dragon in there towards the end somewhere, and that was about it. I don't remember it crawling with horrifying orcs and spiders and having the Hobbits decapitate most of them in really explicit detail. Why can't movies just be light and fun anymore?

Plus, it's the 2nd movie-we really need to start killing off dwarves. I know I just said the movie should be lighter and now I'm calling for killing at least half of the cast, but they really don't serve any point anymore and they don't have distinctive personalities, really. Have half of them be eaten by the dragon, maybe. That would be fun.

I really think they were created so that their names would sound funny when Gandolf read them all out. It's like 'Dwarlin, Marlin, Tweeby, Feeby, Deeby, Oin, Gro'in, Flo'in, Ziddy, Fiddy, Biddy, Burry, Surry, Tarlin, Farlin, and our leader, Thorin Oakenshield."

So go and see it, sure. There's nothing else out, and it's clean other than for the NC-17 - rated violence. If you're looking for the Desolation of Smaug, however, look elsewhere. This movie is more like 'the two and a half hours of dwarves getting captured by everyone in middle earth, and the exploration of the boring lives of minor side characters, and then the monologue of Smaug.' There's no desolation. That appears to be held off for the last movie, which I assume is called "The Hobbit and the Dragon Whose Named is Pronounced Differently by Everyone in the Movie."

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I'm a bit annoyed because I feel like they are trying to make The Hobbit like TLoTR, when it's not. It's not a three part book. It's one smallish book. I love the story, but they are not doing a good job on the movies. They are making it too violent and dragging it out ridiculously. Legolas is NOT in the book! That girl elf is totally made up! There are no orcs! But, some of the dwarves aren't too bad to stare at for three hours....... ;)